if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
