mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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