i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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