Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
