So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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