Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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