I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
