hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
