who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
