Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
