I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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