i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
