At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
