the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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