I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
