Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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