Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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