Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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