You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
