Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The best revenge is premature balding
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize