I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
