So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize