matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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