I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
