i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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