Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
