I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
