Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
