we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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