A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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