hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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