i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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