I wish my penis had an off switch
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
