when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
