I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
