I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize