the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
