Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
