C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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