i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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