Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I cut my penus on the lid.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
