i may or may not be watching the land before time
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize