I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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