Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
