Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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