We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
