We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
