This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Randomize
