I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Girls should come with a carfax report
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
