Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Hippo gnu deer
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
