Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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