I bet he comes in French.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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