Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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