yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
