If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He has the fingertips of a God
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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