I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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