I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
