I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
is wine microwaveable?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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