Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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