we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
