dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
50% drunk capacity currently
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
