On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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