just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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