Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
