I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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