i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
