dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
