Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
