yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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