honey bunches of taint.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
