We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
