Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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