Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
