that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
